Love in Laughter

Surprise, surprise. According to more and more articles, the secret in long lasting love is humor. Apparently, happiness comes with laughing. Shocking right?

All sarcasm aside, I do find it interesting that people need to be told that humor makes for long lasting romances and even good sex. I had always known it, but I never felt quite justified in my observations. In every good relationship that I had observed, be they young or old, I saw that humor created the most basic and fundamental connection for a relationship to be built on. Yet, with my own adventures with ladies, I find that most girls love having a strong, trusting connection with me, built on the hours we spent laughing and entertaining each other, as a safety line or, in their terms, as a "best friend". They hold strongly to our relationship, while searching for a male specimen that they feel would be a potential mate. Most of these relationships with these strapping young males often have little depth, little insight, and far too little solid foundations.

This, of couse, is not a new observation from me. I had always complained about it before, being slightly bitter. Yet, currently, I feel oddly happy. I never thought that I looked like a paragon of manhood, nor did I feel like I possessed many of the flourishes that seems to attract the typical female heart - bravado, power, wealth and an untamed spirit. I wouldn't say I do not have any of those things. I just do not have much of it. What I do have is simply charisma, a nature that makes the people around me happy, laughing, and content. Which, according the many books and articles being published now, means that I hold the single most important key to a successful, long lasting, slow burning, romance.

While my self esteem does not rely completely on the findings of social scientists, I do find it strangely vindicating that other people, of high repute, agrees with my views.

Yet, enough about my feelings and history for now. I wish to explore the topic of humor further. I do not believe that humor alone is the key for a successful relationship. I believe it's something far deeper.

It's honesty.

We often grow up believing and dreaming of romantic hollywood relationships, so much so that we lose sight of reality. For those of us who watch anime, no girl or guy we meet would ever be so perfect, or suffer merely one personality flaw. Or, for those of us who watch dramas (wow, am I really guilty of both?) no guy or girl can be symplified into those archetypes that they explore: dying sick girl filled with love, gloomy strong guy in search of redemption, stubborn idiot jerk turned gentle by affection... etc. No.

Rather, everyone of us are filled with many, many imperfections without a glorfying story for each one. I may smile far too much for my own good. I'm lazy. And lets face it, when it comes to romance, I am by far not the smoothest rock on the beach. These among many others are my flaws. Yet, if we allow ourselves to see these things in ourselves and especially in others, and embrace them with an easy air of honesty - meaning, embrace their flaws with the idea that every one of them ultimately creates and contributes to the person that we cherish - then we allow for fun, passion and love to grow. After all, when it comes to this we can either laugh about it, or cry about it. And who wants to cry?

Like I have always said about music and art: I have never enjoyed hearing the final performance piece more than hearing all the practices with all the mistakes and revisions. It's just simply more honest. I do not tolerate people hiding behind fake masks in friendship. Why should I allow it in romance?

Dates will not always go perfectly. Violins do not play when we stare into our significant other's eyes. Passionate acts are more fumbling around and messy than euphoric and transcending. And I laugh and enjoy every part of everything. They make for hilarious stories, and, hopefully my future girlfriend would enjoy talking about all the craziness of everything as much as I do. In short, I hope my future girlfriend would be much more real.

So, as for my luck with ladies thus far, I will not say I did not make my share of mistakes. Yet, perhaps it is the demographic of girls I happen to talk to, asian girls mostly. (Like do asian families even teach laughter? or reality? in their controlling idealistic minds?) Or perhaps it is merely the level of maturity in all of us. In any case, I shall strive to find and connect with a person who both enjoys my humor and has courage enough to build on it.

I shall keep my heart open and hopeful. Love is an adventure that makes life worth living. It's only fair to have fun and laugh a bit on the way. And while I'm at it, perhaps I'll learn and grow so that my flaws will deminish.

Who knows? Maybe I'll meet someone that thinks that too.

(Man have I had some embarassing encounters. Lol)