To Be Filled with Love

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

- 1 John 4:18

Many times though out the day, I feel like my emotions are like the fizz inside a bottle. When I am happy and distracted, the fizz stays at a cool and contained state. Yet, sometimes I forget. I become agitated, and everything gushes forth. Then, as if nothing has happened, I return to a state of calm.

I suppose the analogy could only be called weird. Yet, I cannot think of any other better way to describe it.

I have more than once marveled at what neutralizes all the agitation I feel. When I become irritated, fearful, and selfish, I sometimes cannot help but to assume the worst in situations, in me, and about others. Yet, then in moments of quiet reflection and prayer, something changes within me. The chemical formula for the fizz (sticking to the prior analogy) morphs into something else entirely, as if changed by a catalyst. It becomes more like... sugar? Love.

The feeling elates me. It brings me to peace. It allows me to be positive and see the best in people. I cannot fully describe it. I only know where it comes from. God, of course.

I know that I have posted a similar post yesterday, yet, I have promised myself that I would write this blog as if I had no audience. This promise holds me honest in my postings to the true and uncensored me. I have stated before that I find this honesty to be a weakness in the defenses that usually protects me, allowing others to see things about me that I would normally protect or hide. I suppose I am more or less afraid of the judgements of others. Yet, I find this weakness to be a tollerable nessessity. So judge me if you will. After all, no communication can happen without weaknesses, like no trade can happen without gates. (Ok, so I'm also full of weird analogies today.)

So, to come back to the topic at hand, I suppose I wished to share this feeling within me. Love is a marvelous and wonderful thing. One does not have to be in love to experience it or share it. Rather, love just spreads. And sharing it does not diminish your own supply but rather makes it grow. Truly, marvelous.

This feeling motivates me to care, to protect, to understand, to be patient, to be kind, and to always hope.

It is my prayer that I can share my love to all those that walk within my life. =) I hope others feel the same way.

Have a good night everyone.

A Far Greater Power than Me

I find it interesting that it seems like every year around this time, a lot of pensive thoughts swarm me. Or maybe, I have a lot of pensive thoughts anyway, and it only becomes amplified during this time of year? Ah who knows.

From the state of the economy, to my future, to my family's future, to my friends' well being, and of course, to my own personal life, so many uncertainties and variables coalesce to become this fog that obscures my sight. I cannot really grasp anything tangible from them, though I vainly try. I catch only wisps and shadows of answers, and see only the haziness.

However, I am not in a state of panic or despair. It is not because I do not experience it, far from it. I seem to be in constant battle with the gloominess and the uncertainty that threatens to drown me. Yet, on my side, I feel a power far greater than myself. Yes, indeed, I feel though my strength alone hardly amounts to anything substantial, I have a power that exceeds, surpasses, and overwhelms my own strength and tolerance and gives me more than ample support.

I am glad, for this is the power that my faith has lent me.

My God has provided friends for me to cherish and trust. They distract me from my moody thoughts and lift me to moments of happiness. Just the idea that they wish to see me and be around me gives me ample joy.

Yet, more than that is the love that God shows me each and every day. Whenever I start sinking, He keeps me afloat. Though my faith may not be big enough to drive out demons or heal the sick, and even on the day to day things, I feel it being challenged, I am oddly comforted. For I remember a time when just the slightest of the things that I am experiencing now would plunge me into a state of unrest and unhappiness that I cannot seem to escape from. This time around, however, facing a far greater barrage of stresses that I did not believe I could handle, I feel almost secure and comforted.

I have my moments of weakness of course. Sometimes an emotional phone call from my mother may be too much, and sometimes just a reminder of the responsibilities I shoulder may magnify my tasks to look overwhelming, yet, I am constantly pulled back up. I am then strengthened to tackle the piles of homework, to brave all the extra responsibilities my mother places upon me, to face work with energy, and even to comfort those that are dear to me if they needed.

I know that everyone faces many difficulties in their lives, and many people probably face more numerous and stressful ones than mine. I admire their strength and courage, yet, I no longer envy them. For I have found a strength of my own, and though my trust on it wavers, and though in the grand scheme of things, my challenges may hardly be even a mote in the ocean, I am not ashamed to say that I falter and I am satisfied to say that God picks me up.

The following passage may be over written and plastered everywhere, yet I still wish to share it for it allowed me to see more of this strength:

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

When I think of God's wonderful love, I feel humbled and content.

Fuck It

I think I deserve better.