Starry Winter Night

Such a starry splendid night.
Each star twinkling with all their might.
Like an orchestra of silent light,
They sing in harmony in my sight.
And chance would have me walking slow
Under their glowing, sparkling show,
Where the crisp winter air
Called me out my lair.

The fall leaves crunch softly beneath my shoes
And the world calls gently to my muse.
Lost in thought, I know not where I go.
Winter is coming with her elegant snow.

Each breath and sigh turns to mist,
Disappears and ceases to exist.
time is marching fast and fast.
Yet, the night seems to last at last.
Breathing deeply, in such serene a night,
The world contents me with her sight
And the stars remind me by their light,
Smiling, I think of you tonight.

Postive > Negative

After all, shall really life be that dramatic? =)

Smiles.

Thin Red Line

The battles of everyday life seem incomparable to the struggles with oneself. There is, perhaps an art to keeping friendly yet not close, and still be warm enough as not to be felt cold. Such constant control of the body and mind seem almost like constant warfare - perhaps it is something that I just wish to lose, and thus, I cross the invisible red lines that I have drawn myself. I shall need to redouble my efforts... somehow.

Ridiculous, one may say, and mad probably. After all, who dares to even begin to believe that they can tempt fate by mere human ways? I should probably believe this too, and make things easier upon myself... though in consequence harder on others.

I am a micro social scientist, and though the ramblings of this little blog seem rather incoherent or illogical to those who may stumble upon it, it makes true sense. For every action, invariably, has its consequences upon the surrounding people.

adieu

Hazy Clarity

I suppose now, once again, I shall need to smile and put on a show. Though there have been many disappointments I will be strong despite the futility of my words and actions. It is always painful to watch someone close to me tread a road that is full of dangers and temptations and one slip would mean starting over at square one for them. This pain is accentuated by the mere fact that I understand that there are safer (though, perhaps harder) paths to take, and the knowledge that my guidance fall upon nearly deaf ears. Or, if they do hear it, their hearts lack the will to walk such other paths.

Thus, I must now walk a balance on thin red lines and deny myself to think or hope on any ground that I may have gained. Through the tribulations of previous and similar injuries, I am prepared to face such tasks that are set before me. I have little hope on recovering what would be probably inevitably lost to me, lest, in splendid revelation, they wake from their confusion and see through my veil, discerning all that I do. Though, I do not hold this likely.

Whilst people (and one particular) cover over selfish clandestine schemes with the appearance of benign virtue and meek humility, I broadcast my manipulative nature as a wall and as a false warning to mask and to protect my altruism, for fear of being abused. This leaves me feeling, as usual, a little lonely in the path I take for very few good people seem to be able to see past such friendly and polite smiles and guess the happy deeds I weave and commit. My morals do not allow me to claim credit for any such deed, and thus with subtle manipulation do I go about it. And yet, a part of me wishes for someone dear and special to be able to see through me, and appreciate me without thoughts of using me. I have been hurt far too much, and only here, in my relative anonymity, am I able to allow myself to drop my guard and speak with even this much clarity.

Perhaps, God has plans for testing me still, and I shall try to remain patient through such tortures and frustrations. There shall be light yet - on that I will trust God completely.

With a Smile

With nearly whimsical caprice, the turns of fortune dispelled its illusions it has conjured.

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i should've known.

Glorious Satisfaction

I thank God for the moments He gives us. These past few days have been incredible. I really have no words to describe how content I am.

It seems everything is going better in my life, and more over, I feel positive about all the things I do. The manga project, though still bumpy, have not slowed down. I feel like I am always surrounded by supportive friends and a very loving God.

=)

Happiness.

The List

I need...

- a modern drama to watch about wealthy people (hopefully famous, like a tv star) falling in love in a city scape scene.

- a dedicated colorist.

- to sleep more.

- less complications (simplification).

- things to stay simplified.

I want...

- a cintiq.

- more books.

- more time.

- to write more.

God help me...

- put aside myself.