This year for Chinese New Year, I did not celebrate with my family, but rather, my best friends. Truly, I felt touched by their sincerity and their hospitality. I suppose that many, or perhaps all of them, instinctively understood that the occasion and event had a great significance to me. And they all made me feel like family.
I, once again, felt I had a family that I never knew but always loved. I thank God for these precious, precious people.
Waking up early in the morning, I really did not know what to expect from the day. Little things bothered me, and many plans seemed to go awry. Yet, after praying, the day brightened more and more. I suppose the turning point really came when I met up with a friend, who - to celebrate the occasion - wore a little bit of red in the form of a hair band around her wrist. The patience she had listening to my worries and frustrations touched me and lifted me from my fears.
Then, the accommodations and happiness of my long time friends just hit it home.
I know that the party was not the most fun party I have ever thrown. The conversation might not have been the most engaging. And because I was running around trying to cook and eat at the same time, I could not fully devote my attentions to making the group a more cohesive whole and entertain them at my best effort.
Yet, looking on it, none of that seemed to matter when I saw them. It was very simple, they knew the day was important to me and they came because of it. The idea brought tears to my eyes. I don't really know if they knew that I had celebrated Chinese New Year with my mom all these years, and that every time had been a special time for me. I don't really know if any of them consciously knew, that this year, more than ever, I felt homesick and lonely thinking about the New Year.
Yet, the lengths they went through, their sincere smiles and understanding, and even just their mere presence really touched me.
My family.
I do not know what I did to deserve all these wonderful friends. I feel most of the time that I probably do not deserve them. Yet, I thank them from the depths of my very being for everything.
I did not want to cry in front of them, but, in the privacy in my own room, I can shed my tears freely. Thank you.
This year has started wonderfully.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The New Year
The year 2009 seemed to have started out with something less than hope. With old conflicts continuing and new ones just sparking, I start wondering about what the year in full would turn out to be.
A part of me has always aspired to be someone who can change the world. I know this sounds arrogant or even absurd, yet I truly do. I have always yearned, and even dreamed, for super human abilities so that I may save one life at the very least.
Yet, as I grow older and more accustomed to the rules of the world and reality, sometimes I would revisit these old aspirations. I realize that I cannot gain the power of warp speed flight or super human strength. I can only stop bullets with my body but once and I could never predict where crises may arise.
When I learned and accepted these thoughts about myself, I started to pray that I could be a paladin for God. Someone spiritually girded with a shield of faith and a sword of holy words. Someone spiritually faithful enough to heal the sick and wounded by mere touch and prayer. Although, I still believe that people can do this, I am starting to realize that it is not by my own will or even by avid trying that allows one to do this.
Rather, I am just myself, a human being with limited reach and influence. I have neither the resources nor the fame enough to actually change the world. I, then, thought that I could at least change myself, and subsequently, my own world.
I know that there is very little that I can do about the conflict in Gaza, but perhaps, I can, at the very least, try to do the best I can each and every day with the things I can accomplish. My mission statement may not be to change the world, but for now, perhaps I can make my friends smile and the lives of the people around me just a bit happier.
I will not assume that I have even the power or influence enough to impact those around me, for they struggle with their own set of difficulties and ideals. I do not believe that I am good enough nor my ideals grand enough for it to be able to be applied in another person's life. Rather, I simply wish to be there and help anyone and everyone that I know when they wish for it.
Thus, this is my New Year's resolution: I wish to give without expecting return. I wish to be able to help those who wish for help. And, above all, I wish to be able to allow my friends to smile more and to cry less, to be a supportive and wholly selfless friend. That is my earnest wish. And hopefully, along the way, I will learn more about myself, my God, and my friends. Hopefully, I will learn from every experience and encounter I have with the people around me and grow into a better person.
Though I do not have paladin status, nor magical powers, I wish to try my hardest in working with the limited tools that I do possess, for that is all I can do. I will pray and seek God for guidance, and who knows, maybe I will become strong enough one day to be able to wield that Shield of Faith.
A part of me has always aspired to be someone who can change the world. I know this sounds arrogant or even absurd, yet I truly do. I have always yearned, and even dreamed, for super human abilities so that I may save one life at the very least.
Yet, as I grow older and more accustomed to the rules of the world and reality, sometimes I would revisit these old aspirations. I realize that I cannot gain the power of warp speed flight or super human strength. I can only stop bullets with my body but once and I could never predict where crises may arise.
When I learned and accepted these thoughts about myself, I started to pray that I could be a paladin for God. Someone spiritually girded with a shield of faith and a sword of holy words. Someone spiritually faithful enough to heal the sick and wounded by mere touch and prayer. Although, I still believe that people can do this, I am starting to realize that it is not by my own will or even by avid trying that allows one to do this.
Rather, I am just myself, a human being with limited reach and influence. I have neither the resources nor the fame enough to actually change the world. I, then, thought that I could at least change myself, and subsequently, my own world.
I know that there is very little that I can do about the conflict in Gaza, but perhaps, I can, at the very least, try to do the best I can each and every day with the things I can accomplish. My mission statement may not be to change the world, but for now, perhaps I can make my friends smile and the lives of the people around me just a bit happier.
I will not assume that I have even the power or influence enough to impact those around me, for they struggle with their own set of difficulties and ideals. I do not believe that I am good enough nor my ideals grand enough for it to be able to be applied in another person's life. Rather, I simply wish to be there and help anyone and everyone that I know when they wish for it.
Thus, this is my New Year's resolution: I wish to give without expecting return. I wish to be able to help those who wish for help. And, above all, I wish to be able to allow my friends to smile more and to cry less, to be a supportive and wholly selfless friend. That is my earnest wish. And hopefully, along the way, I will learn more about myself, my God, and my friends. Hopefully, I will learn from every experience and encounter I have with the people around me and grow into a better person.
Though I do not have paladin status, nor magical powers, I wish to try my hardest in working with the limited tools that I do possess, for that is all I can do. I will pray and seek God for guidance, and who knows, maybe I will become strong enough one day to be able to wield that Shield of Faith.
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