Yearning for a Spiritual Connection

I suppose in recent days, I have had this craving and wish for a spiritual connection with my Christian friends. I keep seeing this image of us able to talk together and come together in prayer and love. The image tantalizes me, and becomes more vivid the more I think about it. I have my friends with me and as one, we kneel and bow our heads in prayer. A feeling of need and want fills me every time I think on it.

I guess it is because I had such a tight knit group like that back in high school. I keep thinking back to my old church back then. I had left it for obvious reasons. Yet, in the course of time, these reasons have become more minute, and inversely, the reasons why I loved it in the first place has become amplified. I loved my circle of brothers and sisters. Though the adults with their Asian politics and what not made it a hard environment to spiritually grow, our close circle seemed to prosper. At church and getting together for whatever reason, the Spirit that bound us always, intangibly, made us closer than all our other best friends. We leaned on each other and could openly confess God to each other. I really do miss them.

Yet, I can also say that God willed me to separate from them, for I felt like I grew more and found God truly to be my personal Savior and Guide after leaving them. After the parting, and especially after not seeing them for awhile, I have found myself more Spiritually mature (though I don't know exactly how mature I am, given that I always feel weak) because I had not been distracted by all the faults and "humanness" I found myself always eying and judging. I now know that no one on Earth is without fault, and church does not escape that law for humans make up this body. Thus, I find all my previous anger and frustration melted away, and my desire to return to such a close circle grow.

However, I also feel within me that God has another purpose for me, and I must content myself for just praying about them and watching them grow in God. My place and my role have changed regarding them, and now I must support them from afar, ever knowing that they will forever remain my close brothers and sisters.

Of course, a new feeling now emerges from me due to this, a feeling of longing for that type of connection again. I have this prayer that God will lead my Christian friends closer and closer to me and each other, so that once again the Spirit may walk before us in any event, secular or religious. This way, though we cannot always consciously feel it, somewhere in the depths of our hearts, we will know (ginosko) that the Spirit of Christ links us and binds us. This is a special bond, far greater than any earthly bridges we could build.

Oh, how I crave it.

On the same note, with a slightly different tone, I have also become increasingly intoxicated by the thought of celebrating God with some special someone. To be honest, I have never had a romantic relationship that allowed be to experience this, and my heart yearns for this as well for my mind and body now acknowledges that a connection built upon the Spirit far surpasses those built on the soul or body. Yet, this yearning I will not emphasize here. My heart tells me God will lead me on this and the time has not yet come.

Truly, though, imagine with me a tight circle of friends to hang out with and do things with, under the banner of God with the same Spirit following the same Teacher. I pray that one day I will find this solace once more, rooted and strong. For as I gaze into the foreseeable future, I see graduation looming ahead and so many vagueness and doubts. I know that I do not adjust to change very well, and for this reason, I have been more protective of myself in recent years. Fearing to make a strong connection, lest the pain of losing it will destroy me, I am reluctant to open myself up to people. Yet, in my heart, for some reason, I feel like if God leads us, I will be alright, come what may.

Dear Jesus, let me build strong friendships upon the rock of Your love and guidance. Bring us together, root us to You, and let nothing break us.

Amen.