The New Year

The year 2009 seemed to have started out with something less than hope. With old conflicts continuing and new ones just sparking, I start wondering about what the year in full would turn out to be.

A part of me has always aspired to be someone who can change the world. I know this sounds arrogant or even absurd, yet I truly do. I have always yearned, and even dreamed, for super human abilities so that I may save one life at the very least.

Yet, as I grow older and more accustomed to the rules of the world and reality, sometimes I would revisit these old aspirations. I realize that I cannot gain the power of warp speed flight or super human strength. I can only stop bullets with my body but once and I could never predict where crises may arise.

When I learned and accepted these thoughts about myself, I started to pray that I could be a paladin for God. Someone spiritually girded with a shield of faith and a sword of holy words. Someone spiritually faithful enough to heal the sick and wounded by mere touch and prayer. Although, I still believe that people can do this, I am starting to realize that it is not by my own will or even by avid trying that allows one to do this.

Rather, I am just myself, a human being with limited reach and influence. I have neither the resources nor the fame enough to actually change the world. I, then, thought that I could at least change myself, and subsequently, my own world.

I know that there is very little that I can do about the conflict in Gaza, but perhaps, I can, at the very least, try to do the best I can each and every day with the things I can accomplish. My mission statement may not be to change the world, but for now, perhaps I can make my friends smile and the lives of the people around me just a bit happier.

I will not assume that I have even the power or influence enough to impact those around me, for they struggle with their own set of difficulties and ideals. I do not believe that I am good enough nor my ideals grand enough for it to be able to be applied in another person's life. Rather, I simply wish to be there and help anyone and everyone that I know when they wish for it.

Thus, this is my New Year's resolution: I wish to give without expecting return. I wish to be able to help those who wish for help. And, above all, I wish to be able to allow my friends to smile more and to cry less, to be a supportive and wholly selfless friend. That is my earnest wish. And hopefully, along the way, I will learn more about myself, my God, and my friends. Hopefully, I will learn from every experience and encounter I have with the people around me and grow into a better person.

Though I do not have paladin status, nor magical powers, I wish to try my hardest in working with the limited tools that I do possess, for that is all I can do. I will pray and seek God for guidance, and who knows, maybe I will become strong enough one day to be able to wield that Shield of Faith.